Car Horn Translations
I got a middle finger this morning because someone two cars ahead of me was under the light, couldn’t see that it was green and I gave them a courtesy beep. The car in front of me must’ve thought I was being a jerk and was rushing him, so I got a courtesy finger. I thought that it had been made clear that when cars behind you send out a short beep and you’re not the lead car, that beep is supposed to go around you to the offending car. And even so, a short beep is not insulting. It’s just a reminder to get back in the game.
When discussing it on the People’s Website for the Discussion of the Inane (otherwise known as Facebook) a few of my friends got into the courtesies of a honk, and what they say. So I’ve decided to write my own personal translation here because I think about these things too deeply, therefore I’m probably right about them.
Short beep from behind at a stoplight: “I don’t know if you noticed, but the lights green. Proceed to your destination safely, friend!”
Short beep next to you at a stoplight: “Look over here! Your tire may be flat, or perhaps your coat is caught in the door! Maybe I just would like to gaze into your eyes for a spell. Either way, it won’t kill you to look in my direction for a second.”
Short beep while in motion: “I don’t know if you saw me, but don’t switch lanes just yet!”
Long beep from behind at a stoplight: “I’m being really obnoxious about it, but the light has changed and I want you to go through it because I’m late for my fucking meeting, you asshole.”
Long beep next to you at a stoplight: “Hey dickface: You were just a jerk back there and I didn’t like it. Look over at me so I can throw my hands up in disgust and mouth ‘what the hell!’”
Long beep while in motion: “What are you thinking?! Seriously, what? Because I can’t get answers, I will release all my rage into this horn!”
A beep and a wave: “Thank you! It was really nice of you to let me merge so seamlessly! If I could hug you I would, but since we’re in motion, this honk will have to suffice.”
A beep and a finger: “The beep wasn’t enough. You are just a capital asshole right now.”
Two short beeps at a stoplight: “Hey! I know you! Hello! Look at me over here! Can you see me? Wait, let me roll down the window! Oops, light’s changing! Damn, now you looked.”
Five short beeps at any time: “Shave and a haircut…” to which you should respond with two longer beeps for the “two bits.”
La Cucaracha: Well that person is just awesome. Give them a power fist.
