February 2012
1 post
Untethered
This year, I’ve been kicking in the idea of giving up something for Lent.
Well…sort of.
I think giving up something “for” Lent implies that I am making a decision based on my faith to give up something for 40 days that will bring me closer to God. Um, this isn’t totally that. For one thing, I’m not Catholic. For another, I’m not religious. I’ll...
October 2011
3 posts
Why I Try Not to Eat Chicken Nuggets
Earlier this week, I went to McDonald’s with my girlfriend, her brother and his three-year-old son. We got our food and took back it to the car, my nephew and I eating in the backseat. Periodically, he would hand his dad things from the Happy Meal asking him to open the toy, the nugget box and when they checked the bags, I heard them say up front, “aww they forgot the sauce.”...
Who's that Girl
Fern Mayo
The Suicidal File Girl in What Women Want
Kitty, the flashing ex-secretary on Arrested Development
That popular bitch who sabotaged Jennifer Garner’s character in 13 Going on 30.
Recently, I was in a bar discussing this woman. I’m rattling off all the movies she’s been in. Usually she’s the sweet, but somehow not attractive enough to be the lead best...
August 2011
1 post
A Blast from the Past
The following is a journal entry that I wrote on September 12, 2003:
I have an issue where I like to scare the shit out of West Hartford residents whenever I’m able. For those of you who don’t know, West Hartford is the town over from me though we’re worlds apart. Suburban, most of the kids have a drug and/or alcohol program by the time they’re 11. Democratic for the...
July 2011
2 posts
The One Where I Miss my Girlfriend
I haven’t been around much, but a lot has been going on. I just got back from a wedding in Aruba, which was absolutely beautiful. Seeing love bloom anew on the beautiful white sands of an impossibly blue beach was a breathtaking experience. But it really got me thinking, and I think I’ve decided that I’m kind of done doing romantic shit all by myself for the rest of the summer.
...
April 2011
1 post
WatchI can do nothing else
seawitchery:
I started out clicking strategically… and by the end was just wildly clicking and dancing in my chair.
biancavirina:
CLICK THE SQUARES.
THE WHOLE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS.
THIS THIS THIS THIS!
March 2011
1 post
Car Horn Translations
I got a middle finger this morning because someone two cars ahead of me was under the light, couldn’t see that it was green and I gave them a courtesy beep. The car in front of me must’ve thought I was being a jerk and was rushing him, so I got a courtesy finger. I thought that it had been made clear that when cars behind you send out a short beep and you’re not the lead car,...
February 2011
1 post
January 2011
5 posts
Stop the Presses! Water is Wet and Taco Bell Might...
Last week, some haters tried to blow up Taco Bell’s spot with the breaking news that the company is falsely advertising real beef. *gasp!* drive-through fare is questionable? Surely you jest! I thought that at this point we were all pretty sure that we have no idea what we’re putting in our bodies when it comes to fast food. I also thought that we were mostly comfortable with that....
No, YOU Have a Nice Day!
I recently got a new position where I deal with the public much less often than I once did. But having 10 years experience in customer service, I still haven’t forgotten my roots and I do use what I’ve learned every now and then. When I first started working, I was a dutiful yes-woman to those calling on the phone. I peppered phone calls with my soothing voice and chiming in with an,...
“Strange, specific stuff. That’s what makes a nerd a nerd. If you like strange,...”
– Donald Glover (via bastardslacks)
Et tu, Tar-jay?
I am a horrible boycotter.
I hate inconveniencing myself in this world where everything is so damn easy to get. I know, it’s sad. And writing it out just makes me look like an even bigger jerk who admits their jerkiness unapologetically. I’ll apologize. But much like an asshole ex-boyfriend, I’m really only saying, “I’m sorry your feelings got hurt.” Not enough...
An Intervention for the New Year
Happy 2011! I have some news for you: this Facebook thing is about to blow the hell up!
Now you’re looking at me all crazy. “Tianna,” you say, “Facebook BEEN blew up!” (cuz apparently you still use 90’s slang) I know, friend, I know. Facebook has indeed “been blew up.” I’m pretty sure that was the general headline back in 2006, when the doors...
November 2010
4 posts
Hitting on Women
I’m fully out of the closet and have been for quite some time now, so I’m pretty much past the awkward moment that is telling someone that I’m a lesbian. Once in a while I’ll meet a straight woman, we’ll be having a great time talking and when it comes out that I’m gay, I get a a brief look of fear. Not that they’re not cool with the gay thing, but I know...
Sleeping is Awesome
While I was driving home from work yesterday, the DJ on the local hip-hop station played a few lines from an old Nas song. In the song he says, “I never sleep, cuz sleep is the cousin of death.” It occurs to me that I’ve been hearing a lot of this “I’m not sleeping, therefore I’m extra productive” business lately. I read people’s Facebook statuses...
It's Heeeere!
Unless you’re one of those people who doesn’t watch tv, doesn’t eat fast food and therefore doesn’t live your best life, you’re probably aware that the McRib is back. When it comes to shit America eats that will bring on an amazing heart attack explosion, the McRib is right up there with those Luther Burgers. Coming in at 500 Calories, 26 grams of fat and...
The Guide to Keeping Your Man (Spoiler Alert:...
As a woman, I’m frequently given unsolicited advice on how to keep my man. Pick up at least three popular women’s periodicals and at least two are offering you advice on how to keep your man happy. I haven’t dated a man in quite some time, but from what I remember, their needs are few. Feed them, water them, stimulate their sexual organs, talk to them now and again. Other than...
October 2010
3 posts
It Does Get Better...For All Kinds
I’m sure you’ve seen horrible stories lately about children being bullied to the point of taking their own lives. While the focus last week was homosexual victims, many children and teens are tortured by their peers daily for many other reasons. As I’m sure you’re aware, it’s far from just a gay problem, and we should be actively teaching (and practicing) respect to...
Much Ado About Hating
Since the dawn of the 00’s, we have been bombarded with this word, “haters.” We were told that they try to “stop your shine”. Because they don’t enjoy seeing you succeed, they will point out any flaw, no matter how minor or made up, to hinder your path to greatness. While not a new concept, the idea of summarizing jealous and angry people so succinctly took the...
500 Days of Whalers
The Hartford Whalers were a professional hockey team in my hometown. My best friend’s dad growing up loved them, and though I’m not into sports where people are purposely cold, I enjoyed that we had a pro sports team to make our city a little more relevant. But in 1997, due to failed negotiations on a new arena, as well as some other factors like a decline in ticket sales, The Whalers...
September 2010
2 posts
Women's Work
I love television, but with that love comes having to deal with 2 minute (or more) storyline interruption for advertisers. I took an Intro to Communications course, and I’m also a bit of a conspiracy theorist who always thinks Big Business is always up to no good, so I have this theory that with the rise of TiVo, DVR’s and full seasons of shows being so readily available on DVD,...
9 Volt Battery... The Red Headed Stepchild
Let me set the scene: you’re watching TV on a lazy Sunday afternoon and you go to turn up the volume, and no matter how hard you press the button and move the remote in the way of the sensor, nothing happens. After a deep sigh and the acceptance of the fact that you’re going to have to get up and do things to continue to be lazy, you make your way to the junk drawer. You know last time...
August 2010
1 post
July 2010
3 posts
These Dern Whippersnappers Today!
I’ve never been an intern, because I’ve already had experience doing shit for free and getting treated like shit…it’s called being grounded. Nonetheless, I understand you get a lot more out of interning than you do being grounded. When you are handing in a resume for a real job, potential employers will be very happy that you’ve gotten treated like shit for free...
Feelin Groovy
When I was little, I saw some footage of people talking about free love on a documentary. I asked my mom what was up with them. “They’re hippies,” she said. “What’s a hippie?” I asked, my interest growing as I watched young men and women, arms flailing to a beat I couldn’t hear, but I knew wasn’t to the beat of whatever drum was playing. “A...
June 2010
5 posts
How Some Lady got Tired of Hot & Crazy Vag and...
Go here: How I Went from Committed Lesbian to a Happily Married Mother of Four read that, then come back here for more good times.
While it is her own personal story, I think this Jackie Clune seemed to be woefully misinformed about what being a lesbian is, even while she “was” a lesbian. My favorite line is where she says, “Unlike most men, women, of course, offer each other...
Chez Faux
I own 2 restaurants.
I run a hotel.
I used to be in a sorority, but it was too time intensive.
I was briefly in the Mafia, but didn’t really get it (though people still try to send me guns and grenades).
And I’m the caretaker of a very successful farm… on Facebook.
I am the bane of your social networking experience. I post about what level I’m on and what else I need...
Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger...Less Cushy
As I sit here in my too-tight skirt that was once too loose, I feel inspired. I really want to change my lifestyle right now, at this moment. If I had sneakers, I’d try my hardest to run a mile upstairs on our office treadmill RIGHT NOW! And that’s the problem with me and inspiration…we have poor timing.
I feel this way about three times a week; that today is the day I will run...
Why Facebook is not a Substitute for Your Class...
Nine years ago today, or some day like it, I graduated from high school. The air was warm, or cold. 10-12 people who care about me were there cheering me on as some guy talked about how much fun we all had or something. Then I went to some restaurant that no longer exists for dinner with my family, followed by a fun night out with some friends I no longer hang out with at a club that no longer...
My Summer Reading List
It’s the last day of school! *sings* School’s out for summer! Too bad I haven’t had a summer off in almost 10 years, but I still get butterflies like I’m 8 years old again. You probably remember the worksheet of math problems your teacher passed around on the last day, or a small book with “fun” at home science projects as a final attempt to give you something...
May 2010
6 posts
“It’s one thing to have a harelip, or even a leg that’s a couple...”
– Chelsea Handler, “Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea”
Come Again?
I am a lover of the English language. I know it’s a crazy bird with its rules that don’t always apply. “I before E, except after C” they tell you, and then “society” comes along and changes the “science” of that equation. None the less, I love peppering my vocabulary with spicy words. That’s right: I’m THAT girl. I’m the one who...
...It's Complicated
It must be spring. The season of love that is either blooming or fizzling, but the unsure walk that wire and announce to the Facebook world that your relationship (or whatever can bring yourself to call it) is complicated. Am I the only one who is reminded of Biz Markie when you see this vague, but telling status? What’s making this so complicated?
I’ve used the status myself a couple...
A Bunch of Thoughts About TV
I love television. On a quiet evening at home or a rainy Saturday afternoon, I’d like to either curl up with a nice book, or in front of the warm glow of TV. I think it’s because watching a well written storyline is kind of like reading a good book, except you can eat at the same time and not ruin the pages. It’s another reason I don’t like this new wave of reality TV....
Where Do You Stand?
It’s the epic battle. Written about for ages. Stoners have debated for decades over the most serious question in the world.
Cake v. Pie
I’ve heard all the reasons about why pie beats cake. And I understand where you’re coming from, pie-lovers, I really do. I myself love pie. Sometimes I’ll go to the supermarket and buy a nice big apple pie all to myself. It’s...
Keep Your Worms, Early Birds.
I’m not a morning person. I remember it was something that my family would joke about. My mother always promised that as I got older, it would be easier to wake up early. I keep waiting for this day that I just magically morph into a morning person who wakes before the sun, does yoga in my living room and runs with a yellow lab surrounded by a bright orange sky. Because in my mind, morning...
April 2010
7 posts
They're Not Lying about Floss
Last week while eating thai food with Charmane, I somehow managed to break a tooth. I wasn’t eating anything crunchy, but it decided to crumble in pieces in my mouth. I freaked out because of the sound and the fear of pain that was sure to come, but it was actually a painless experience. I found a new dentist who told me that because of my root canal, there was no nerve anymore which is why...
This Just In: Miley Cyrus Needs Truffle Risotto,...
In my day, you liked your celebrities from afar. You talked about how sexy they are and how smart you imagined them to be. Told your friends that she’s so cool because she was really into art and she has a tattoo dedicated to her grandma. Nothing could knock her off that pedestal.
Along came Twitter. I love Twitter, but it is a buzzkill in the celebrity fantasy department. It’s not...
Darlin I Don't Know Why DJ's go to Extremes
This morning I was stuck in traffic, listening to the radio since I still haven’t installed my cd player. The DJ was asking the audience “Is it a problem if somebody you are starting to date is ‘too nice”? Would you rather date somebody that’s a little bit of a ‘bad ass’?”
The question stemmed from a caller saying that he had just gotten dumped, and...
A Fix to Nix The Black Tax
A friend of mine wrote a very well worded blog entry about tipping. Now I myself, in previous blogs, have written about tipping before. Typically I’ve written from the angle of the server and why you should tip. But she wrote about it at an interesting angle of the black patron eating in a restaurant and how it is NOT our responsibility to over tip for those of us who do not tip properly....
February 2010
2 posts
My Wet Ass is None of Your Concern
This afternoon, I went out in the rain to get my lunch. As I asked around the office to see if anyone had an umbrella they could loan me for the walk, the disembodied voice of an old friend filled my ears; “I’ve never owned an umbrella in my life!” she proudly proclaimed. “People are so afraid of a little rain! Get over it!” For a moment I considered braving the...
Writer's (Stumbling) Block
I’ve been in a writing slump lately. It has a bit to do with not knowing how to get my story back on track, but the huge part (the embarrassing part) is that I’m having a moment of fearing my failure. If this book sucks and no one cares about it and it’s not even a blip on anyone’s radar, I will be crushed.
Because of this, I’ve been kind of obsessed with getting...
January 2010
2 posts
9 Favorite Reads of 2009
Note to the reader: These obviously aren’t books that were written in 2009. Also, sorry I won’t get too specific. I read a lot and sometimes the plots mesh together if I don’t have a refresher.
1. Towelhead by Alicia Erian
I think I first heard about this book on NPR back when it first came out. Or maybe it was Cosmo…I don’t know, don’t knock some of...
Not Much to Say...
I figure it’s about time I start using this blog again for its intended purpose. Which is….I don’t remember. The distracted musings of a CT, lower-middle class socialite.
Tonight I sit on my couch writing this, which is basically my version of hemming and hawing before I start working on getting my office nice and decorated. By decorated, I mean hanging a couple pictures up and...